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Intrusive thoughts: when your mind comes up with the worst
Violent images, sexual doubts, blasphemies out of nowhere. Why almost everyone has these thoughts, why in OCD they stick, and what to do when they show up.
Everyone has them
You are holding a baby and an image flashes up of dropping it. You are standing at the edge of a train platform and think about jumping. You are in a place of worship and a swear word pops into your head. You are with a friend and a doubt about your sexuality appears that was never there before. These have a name: intrusive thoughts.
When researchers ask people with no mental health condition to describe the unwanted thoughts they have had, nearly all of them report things much like those of people with OCD: violence, sex, illness, religion, accidents. The brain throws out random ideas all the time, including absurd and horrible ones. That is part of having a mind that can imagine possibilities.
Why they stick in OCD
The difference is not the content, it is the meaning given to it. Most people think "what a weird idea" and get on with their day. In OCD, the thought is read as an alarm: "if I thought it, part of me must want it", "thinking it is almost as bad as doing it", "a good person would never think that". With that meaning attached, a passing thought becomes a threat, and the body responds with fear.
The more you value what the thought attacks, the more it bothers you. That is why images of causing harm turn up in people who are horrified by violence, blasphemies in people of faith, and doubts about a relationship in people who take that relationship seriously. OCD tends to aim at what you care about most.
Taboo themes do not reveal who you are
Thoughts of hurting a child, sexual images involving relatives or someone of a gender you are not attracted to, offensive phrases about God. It is natural for these themes to bring deep shame, and many people go years without telling anyone, afraid of being seen as dangerous or perverted.
In OCD, these thoughts come with disgust and dread, and they run against what you want and who you are. The very horror they cause is a sign that they clash with your values. A professional who knows OCD has heard these themes many times, will not be shocked, and will not treat you as a danger.
Pushing them away brings them back
Try this now: for one minute, do not think about a white bear. For most people, the bear turns up several times. Trying to force a thought out makes the brain keep watch for it, and that watching is exactly what brings the thought back.
The same goes for neutralising: praying to undo it, placing a good scene over it, checking whether you felt aroused, asking someone to tell you that you are not a bad person. Each of these escapes gives quick relief and teaches the brain that the thought really was dangerous. The bill arrives later, with more thoughts and more fear.
A different way to relate to them
The goal is not to stop having intrusive thoughts, because nobody can. The goal is for them to lose their importance. When one shows up, give it a name: "here comes OCD with the story that I will hurt someone". Let the thought stay, without arguing, without trying to prove it false, and go back to what you were doing, even with the anxiety along for the ride.
At first the anxiety rises, and that is expected. With repetition, the thought starts to look like what it is: noise from the mind. In therapy this is practised gradually, sometimes even by listening to the feared thought on purpose until it becomes dull. One exception: if what comes up are thoughts of ending your life that feel like a wish rather than a fear, that is different from an intrusive thought. In that case, get help today, from a health service or the crisis contacts in this track.
Educational content. Not a substitute for professional care.