After sexual violence

If it has just happened

If you are still in danger, the first thing is to get somewhere safe and call someone you trust or the emergency services. The support step of this track shows the crisis contacts. You do not have to tell the whole story at once or find the right words. "Something happened to me and I need help" is enough.

Go to an emergency department or a health service as soon as you can, ideally within the first 72 hours. In that window it is possible to prevent HIV, other infections and hepatitis B, and to prevent pregnancy with emergency contraception. The team will also look after injuries, including ones that do not show on the outside. This care is your right even after 72 hours, and you do not have to report to the police to receive it.

You do not have to decide now whether to go to the police. If you think you might want to report it later, and only if you can manage it, avoiding a shower and keeping your clothes in a paper bag helps preserve evidence. If you have already showered, that is fine. It is still worth getting care, and the decision about reporting can wait.

Freezing is a normal reaction

Many people do not scream, fight or run during an assault. The body locks, the voice goes, the mind seems to switch off. This has a name, tonic immobility, and it is an automatic reaction of the body to extreme danger, very common among survivors. It is not consent and it does not mean you allowed it.

It is also common for the mind to keep searching for what you "should have done": not drunk, not gone, noticed sooner. Those questions are the mind trying to feel it had some control. The answer, though, is only one: responsibility lies with the person who committed the violence. That holds if it was someone you knew, a partner, a husband or a wife, and it holds if you had been drinking.

The weeks that follow

In the first days and weeks, it is common to have memories that break in without warning, nightmares, jumping at noises, trouble sleeping, crying, anger, or a sense of being numb and far from your own body. Some people become very agitated, others seem too calm. All of these are expected reactions to something that should never have happened.

During this time, it helps to protect the basics: eating at regular times, trying to sleep, staying close to people who make you feel safe, and not using alcohol or other drugs to blot out the pain, because they tend to make sleep and fear worse. You choose who to talk to and how much to say. You do not have to prove anything to anyone.

When the distress does not ease

For many people, symptoms fade over the weeks. For others, a month later they are still strong: avoiding places, people or touch, living on high alert, feeling guilt or shame all the time, having trust or your sex life shaken. This may be post-traumatic stress disorder, and it can be treated.

Trauma-focused therapies, such as trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy, cognitive processing therapy and EMDR, help many people suffer much less, even years later. The therapist agrees the pace of each step with you, and you do not need to share details before you are ready. If thoughts of dying or hurting yourself appear, get help the same day.

If someone has told you

If someone has confided this in you, the first thing is to believe them. Say something like "I believe you", "it wasn’t your fault" or "thank you for telling me". Avoid questions that sound like judgement, such as "why did you go there?" or "why didn’t you shout?". Reactions of doubt or blame make the person’s mental health worse, and supportive reactions genuinely help.

Do not make decisions for them, and do not push them to report it or to forget it. Ask what they need right now and offer concrete things: going with them to a health service, staying nearby tonight, helping them find a psychologist. If what you heard has shaken you badly, get support for yourself too.